Pure Propaganda
by Suze


We all know women like them. They look perfectly normal. They have no distinguishing physical characteristics. They seem to be intelligent. They walk and talk like normal females but they're NOT. Beware of them. They're 'pod women'.

They look at those delightful digits and just see toes. They gaze upon the ethereal grace of that neck, the other-worldly beauty of those hazel eyes, the inhuman perfection of those cheekbones and their only response is "But he's so thin." Some women just don't get it.

The kind ones will try to humor you. "Oh yes, he's really cute. What did you say his name is?" Mention him a week later and they'll ask you "Who?" The more clever ones will attempt to fool you. Don't worry, they can't sustain the deception: "I watch every night. I just love his pony-tail." The truly diabolical ones will do their best to subvert you. "Brad Pitt is so much cuter." This ploy doesn't even merit discussion. Some women don't deserve paradise.

It is important to note that not all of these women are hopeless cases. Some of them have merely been brainwashed with an over-muscled under-brained stereotype of male beauty. These women should be considered innocent victims of their societal conditioning. Sustained effort will quite often bring them to their senses. Repeated viewings of "The Messenger" and "Chivalry" are particularly useful in these cases. Some women simply need to be educated in how to appreciate the finer things life has to offer, such as French wines, Belgian chocolates and delectable Welshmen. These women are closet romantics, make "Till Death" and "Timeless" your weapons of choice with them. When dealing with intellectual women a single exposure to "Comes a Horseman" and "Revelation 6:8" is usually sufficient to complete the seduction ("'Aristotle's Poetics?' Did he really just say 'Aristotle's Poetics?'"). Some women can be redeemed.

If, despite your best efforts, none of these methods works, you may be dealing with a genuine 'pod woman'. She should not be considered dangerous. Be kind, but abandon any further attempts to convert her. As a wise man once said, "Never attempt to teach a pig to sing. It only wastes your time and annoys the pig." Pity her. Console her. Buy her a ticket to a Brad Pitt movie. Some women have no taste.

 The End