Variations on the 23rd Psalm
by Katherine

 

The ROG is my shepard, I shall always want.

He maketh me to save the best fruit; He leadeth me beside his horse.

He restoreth my libido; he leadeth me in paths of boxerdom for his name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of Duncan,
I will fear no black and white moral judgments: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.

Thou preparest a cold foamy one for me in the presence of mine enemies;
thou hast anointed Duncan's ass with almond oil; my lust runneth over.

Surely pithy remarks and intricate double dealing plans shall follow me
all the days of my life; and I shall dwell the apartment of the ROG forever.

 


Kronos is my shepherd; I shall run like hell.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; he leadeth me to where we're camping tonight.

He restoreth his booty; he leadeth me in paths of pillaging for his name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of Death;
I will fear no ROG: for thou art with him; thy rod and thy staff, they comfort him.

I preparest a table before you in the presence of your brothers.
Thou has annointed thy "head" with oil. My "cup" runneth over.

Surely gang bangs and beatings shall follow me all the days of my life and
I will dwell in the tent of Kronos forever because he is the end of time.

 


Caspian is my shepherd; I am rack of lamb.

He maketh me to lie down on green parsley; he leadeth me besides the still waters of the stock pot.

He restoreth his stores; he eatheth me in the name of cannibalism for his appetites sake.

Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of French Quisine,
I will fear no Julia Child: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff, they tenderize me.

Thou preparest a table with me in the presence of Jeffrey Dahmer; thou hast marinated my flesh with oil;
thy soup-plate runneth over.

Surely mint jelly and rosemary shall accompany me all the days of my life
and I shall dwell in the fridge of Caspian forever.

 


Silas is my shepherd; I shall pretend I'm a sheep.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; he leadeth me beside still waters.

He restoreth my wool; he leadeth me in paths of zoophillia for his "appetite's" sake.

Yea though I crawl on my hands and knees through the valley of the shadow of Death's tent,
I will fear no Caspian -- it's Kronos who has me scared shitless. Thy rod and thy staff, they herd me.

Thou feedeth me treats in the presence of mine enemies; I have anointed thy hands with lanolin;
my trough runneth over.

Surely kindness and the occasional shearing will follow me all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the barn of Silas forever.

 


End