"No. No way. Uh-uh,"

Merry looked at the tall, lean man before her in exasperation. "Methos, what can I tell you? She insisted,"

"You could just read the damn story," he snapped. "It's not my problem,"

Merry arched her eyebrows menacingly. "It is now," she said, reaching for her keyboard. "It is now. DUNCAN! Mac, get out here,"she yelled.

From the vicinity of the bathroom, muffled by the closed, locked, possibly barred door, a deep Scottish burr replied in a tone dripping with fear. "No! Go away!"

The young woman rolled her eyes. "Why do I bother?" she asked the ceiling.

Lucky for it, it didn't respond.

A few scribbles later, Mac appeared between Merry and Methos, his strong, manly form curled up tightly into a fetal position. When the BAMF of translocation faded, he looked up with wild eyes.

Methos yanked him to his feet, and together the two men backed away from Merry. "Stay back," Methos warned. "I have a sword,"

Merry gazed at him steadily for a moment, then smiled a slow, sweet, yet somehow frightening smile. "Do you," she said.

Methos' eyes narrowed as his hand dove into his coat...

... and came out with a perfectly preserved, slightly phosporescent, genuine plastic replica of Obi-Wan Kenobi's light saber.

"I don't find that particularly amusing," Methos said.

"Really? It was hilarious from here,"

"Methos," Duncan whimpered. "Do something,"

"Like what?" Methos snapped, glaring down at the wreck of a man in his arms. "I'm open to any suggestion you might have, Highlander,"

"Look," Merry said calmly, toying with the track-ball of her mouse. "We can do this the easy way, or we can do it the hard way. Well, okay. We're definitely doing it the hard way. But you can like it,"she said kindly. "Or..,"

"Or what?" Duncan demanded.

"... or you can have the kind of sexual experience only Maygra would write about. It's up to you,"

Methos' face had gone deathly pale at the mention of Maygra de Rhema, his arch-nemesis. Merry had expected it; Methos had suffered more at that woman's hands than any ten Kronos' could have put him through.

"We'll... ha, ha... we'll do it your way, Merry," he said in a rather squeaky version of his usual baritone. "Where do you want us?"

She rolled her eyes. "Do I look like Maygra to you? On the bed, for God's sake. And before you ask, yes, you get to use lubrication andno, nobody is getting tied up and yes, you're both consenting,"

Methos stumbled, half-carrying Duncan to the bed. Quickly, efficiently, he stripped both their bodies and stretched Duncan out full length. He had a tough time with the legs, which had developed a tendency to curl up to Duncan's chest, but after a few moments the Highlander seemed to catch on and stayed flat.

In several areas.

"Come on," Merry whispered seductively to him. "You knowyou want Methos,"

"I do no'!" he said, blushing.

Merry hit a few keys, smiling.

"Yes," he said in a low, husky voice. "I certainly do,"

"Better," Merry said critically. "Don't overdo it,"

Methos scowled as Duncan's hands began roaming over his lithe figure,"Do you have to watch?" he hissed at Merry.

She smiled sweetly. "Why yes," she said. "I believe I do," She moved to the high-backed armchair and sat down to enjoy the show.

Methos sighed. "Ready?" he asked quietly, gazing at Duncan's rapidly growing erection with fascinated eyes.

"Don't you want to... uh... what I mean is, shouldn't we..,"

Methos glanced up at the ceiling which had been so uninformative earlier. It wasn't talking to him, either. "Gods. I have to do foreplay?"

Merry hit a few more keys.

"Ah, foreplay," Methos said, grinning wickedly at his lover,"I do LOVE foreplay. It's my favorite thing, you know,"

Duncan smiled lazily, reaching up to stroke Methos' cock with gentle fingers. The throbbing shaft rose immediately, and Methos moaned deep in his throat. "Oh," he said softly. "Oh, that's nice. Don't stop,"

"I can't," Duncan said roughly. "She's still typing,"

"Don't stop, Merry," Methos amended, eyes closing.

"I can't either," she said, annoyed. "She's gonna kill Jim or Blair if I do, I just know it,"

Duncan climbed to his knees and drew the older Immortal's body closer to him. They faced one another on the bed, breath coming as hard and fast as they were about to. Without pause, Duncan leaned in close and captured Methos' mouth, tongue darting out and forcing itself between the closed lips. Another groan erupted from Methos' throat and he met the kiss fully, his own tongue stroking over Duncan's until both men pulled back, gasping for air.

"Very nice," Merry said. "But could you get on with it?I've got another story to work on,"

"Shut UP!" the Immortals said with one voice, neither deigning to look at her.

"Excuse me!" she muttered under her breath. "See ifyou two ever get into Completion. I can always explore the Joe/Richie connection..,"

She continued in that vein for a few more seconds, but neither Immortal was listening.

Methos shoved Duncan down on the bed and fastened his mouth to the Scot's throat, sucking hard. His hips moved over Duncan's in an unmistakable rhythm, their magnificently rampant cocks straining together in a whirlwind of arousal. Duncan's body arched upward, muscles taut with exertion, and he let out a manly bellow of release.

Methos paused for only a moment, flipping Duncan's body over and reaching for the nightstand in the same motion. Miraculously, a tube of KY Jelly that hadn't been there a few seconds earlier materialized in his hand.

"Thanks," the oldest living Immortal said over his shoulder.

"No problem," Merry answered.

With quick, economical moves Methos covered Duncan's ass and his own cock in the cool, gooey substance and positioned himself.

"Wait," Duncan gasped. "Don't you want to..,"

"Take it like a man, Mac," Methos snapped, and plunged into his lover's body.

"Okay," Duncan said quietly. "That works, too,"

Methos merely moaned, holding himself still for a moment before starting to move.

"It's also the first rule of great sex," Merry said thoughtfully.

"What?" Methos demanded through clenched teeth.

"Start small, and build,"

With a groan of equal parts ecstasy and disgust, Methos came, his cock pounding wildly into Duncan's prone form until the explosion had drained him dry. Shuddering, he collapsed next to the Scotsman, their sweaty bodies adhering to one another in a way that was neither arousing nor particularly hygienic.

Silence fell, broken only by ragged gasps...

...and by the sound of a laptop computer snapping shut.

Methos struggled to rise up onto his elbows and watched as the small brunette woman moved to the elevator. "That's it?" he said incredulously,"No declarations of undying love? No promises to stay together? No revelations of past abuses?"

Merry rolled her eyes, and grinned. "I've got a life to live,"she said, eyes dancing. "You want romance?"

Duncan managed a small affirmative, echoed by Methos.

She smiled sweetly at them as she pulled the guard closed.

"Get someone in,"

~End~