by Ashlyn Donnchaid
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This was written in response to a post on rog-l where Jack said she'd probably read something that was called Methos/Rhinoceros just because ROG was in it...
He moaned as he opened one eye very slowly. It was daytime, and he seemed to still be alive, but he wasn't sure he wanted to be. He let the other eye open and attempted to focus on where he was. If he didn't move, he could see a sculpture that seemed to be made of empty beer bottles, and he had a vague memory of having something to do with its construction. If he did move, the ache in his head reminded him not to. He closed his eyes again, wondering how long it would be before his immortal healing would catch up with what seemed to be the mother of all hangovers.
He moaned again as he felt the bed shift. He wasn't going to open any eyes again, he wasn't sure he wanted to know who was in bed with him. He couldn't bring back any memories that included a bed partner, and decided it was safer not to know. The shifting continued, and he thought he heard a snort. A snort? Maybe it was time to open an eye again. Very carefully holding his head, he rolled over until he could see a large shape next to him in the bed. The shape shifted and snuffled a bit. Snuffled? Then a large horn peeked out from under the blankets. Gods, this was worse than he thought. He closed the eye again, tried opening the other one, but the scene didn't change.
Cautiously, he picked up the blanket and looked underneath it. Hallucinations. That had to be it. No way was he seeing what he thought he saw. He looked again. It was still there. One large, and, if he remembered his anatomy lessons properly, male rhinoceros. Groaning, he put both hands over his face and rolled onto his back. This couldn't be happening. He didn't remember anything that included zoos or wildlife parks. He turned his head and looked again, just to make sure, and was greeted by the rhino licking the side of his face. Great. Seems that at least one of them had a good time last night. Maybe if he ignored it, it would go away.
The rhino reached over with its rough snout and nuzzled his ear. That was it. He was out of there. As quickly as his throbbing brain and body would allow, he got out of bed and crossed the room, sitting on the bale of hay. Bale of hay? He'd had dinner with the rhinoceros? He moaned again, and dropped his head into his hands. He needed a beer. And some aspirin. Did aspirin work for immortals? He sincerely hoped so. Did he even have any aspirin? He sincerely hoped that he did. As he considered standing up to find some, he heard a shuffling sound as the rhino got out of bed and walked over to stand in front of him. He looked up at it, his eyes still not completely focused, and watched as it removed its head. Removed its head? Then it spoke to him, in MacLeod's voice.
"April Fool, Methos."